Friday, September 14, 2007

My daughter's encouragement

My daughter's short love note... after I was discouraged about my exams.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

A letter to my siblings

On the horizon....His grace abound!

September 2007

So you have heard the news? Yes, my major setback over 3 weeks ago, by God's grace, I survived! The thought of me not passing the local nursing boards was a big disappointed. I almost gave up. Doubt and shame besieged me and could not believe that I failed. "I worked so hard for this!", I said to myself. I also started to compare myself with people I know who were not serious with nursing, yet passed the board without sweating for it! This reality shattered me to pieces. At some point, I stopped analyzing the scenario but questions continued to bombard my thoughts. I asked God all sorts of questions, big ones. "Is this the end of the road for me?" I was hopeless, depressed and deeply discouraged.
I had to go....very far from here. I meant to seek for answers for I was overwhelmed with questions. This was not only a major set-back, but I was faced with a battle head-on. With a bleeding heart, I threw in a couple of blouses, a swimsuit, my bible, the "Promised Land" book, my journal and pen on a long 5 hour bus journey to Dumaguete. Six days of retreat and isolation, I likened myself as that of the Israelites in Eqypt. God impressed in my heart that I was "enslaving" myself to hard work, not realizing that I was putting off God's will and plan for my life. I was planning for myself, I was determining my days! I failed to see God as I was busy doing my own agenda. I blinded myself by becoming too engrossed with nursing as the answer to the difficulties in life! I was looking at the things that are seen and not the unseen because everything was smooth as I was going through this stage of my life. There was provision, determination and success, which I thought was of God's finished path. My anticipation was high. I would then give my children better options and start earning more, have a great ministry and dreams will come true. I really thought that uprooting and off to a land with greener pasture was the answer. But I was rebuked lovingly by God. God comforted me in my retreat. He impressed in my heart that He was actually delivering me from enslavement when I failed the exams. It took this kind of a major event to make me realize that He is uprooting me from my "own" ambition. He helped me tore down "kings" in my life. It was a tough battle. God's deliverances are often unconventional and it was beyond my comprehension. I believe that out of this becomes a better, stronger person in me, a new thing is birthing out of me. The Scriptures teach, "'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts'" (Isa 55:8,9). Again, we read, "But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things that are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised, God has chosen, the things that are not, that He might nullify the things that are, that no man should boast before God" (1 Cor 1:27-29).
“God's people must learn to obey, regardless what is required, and regardless how unusual or meaningless it seems”. This is a humbling lesson; and it is an essential lesson. God does not have to justify Himself and give me a reason for why He requires what He does. I was to learn not only obedience, but also that God does things His way, according to His good pleasure. I have to realize this the hard way. I have to be taught discipline and “waiting upon the Lord”. All this requires….. SIMPLE OBEDIENCE. No thrills , no fuss. Simple, wholehearted, flawless, obedience. It is easier said than done but that is all there is to it.
As I am about to cross my River Jordan, I continue, moving on in faith to claim what God has promised me and my family to possess. I welcomed God’s loving rebuke and know that it was for my own good. Nothing was wasted. Instead, I gained much more in His knowledge and strength. This is not the end for me. God has a finished path for me. My destiny may have stumbling blocks and hurdles along the way, but that’s okay. I know how it is like to be bruised and wounded. They all have a purpose. I am assured that God replaces them with comforting words that will train me to be a better athlete as I continue on with the race. Philippians 3:13 & 14 [NLT] ”Dear brothers and sisters, I am not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us from heaven”.
I’m taking the exams scheduled on December 1 and 2. This time, God is in charge! I will leave behind the past, embrace the present and faithfully, look expectantly to the future for He reigns sovereign over my life.
His grace abound in the present, Thank God and let go as I continue living one breath at a time. May His perfect will and plan be accomplished under heaven for me and my family! May this experience of mine bless and encourage you. I love you very much! Shalom.

Saturday, September 8, 2007


I learned.... that Sometimes crying is the best response.